When my kids were small, it seemed like the chaos of December would never end. There were classroom parties, letters to Santa, reindeer food, and late-night baking – all to keep the holiday magic alive for them. The truth is that the years slip by, and suddenly little ones who once tore into wrapping paper have grown, live in their own homes, and are building their own lives.
I’ve never been the type of mom that thought my job was done when the kids were grown. It turns out that I really like the people I raised, and I love spending time with them. So now, I look for new ways to keep the holiday magic alive by creating fresh traditions we can share as adults.
Can you remember what you did the December you were ten years old? I can’t, and I’m willing to bet that you can’t either. We can’t rely on the magic of Christmas from childhood to provide a lifetime of memories. We need to continually fill the memory banks of our family, so that they’ll have memories to draw from later.
Relationships are built on shared experiences, and if we don’t have any shared experiences, relationships drift apart.
This article contains affiliate links. As an affiliate, I may earn a small commission on qualifying purchases—at no additional cost to you.
Now that my husband and I have been empty nesters for three years, we’ve learned there were things that no one prepared us for. Something we didn’t anticipate was how strange it would be the first time one of our kids wasn’t home on Christmas morning.
That day there was a missing piece of our family puzzle, and we didn’t feel complete for the rest of the day. After that Christmas, we knew that we needed to start planning holidays differently to intentionally create traditions filled with joy for our adult children. We would keep the holiday magic alive to carry us through until the next time we’d all be together again.
If I had to give one recommendation for parents of grown children, it would be that you must be flexible. We have raised these kids to be successful, independent people making their own way through the world. In doing so, they will create their own lives separate from ours. When they start families of their own, they’ll build new traditions, and that’s something to celebrate.
What does it look like to be flexible?
The main way you can be flexible is with the dates that you gather to celebrate the holidays. The holidays can be just as magical, if not more so, even when they’re celebrated on another day. When you’re flexible, your grown kids don’t have to rush off, and they’ll actually want to come.
Another way to be adaptable is letting go of the traditions from their childhood. Gathering around the Christmas tree to open gifts left by Santa was an experience that you got to enjoy when your kids were small. Once grown, that is something for them to experience with their significant other and their own children. This gives us an exciting opportunity to create new traditions! Instead of insisting on your kids being there Christmas morning, why not dedicate one day each year to baking, an ornament or PJ swap, or even Christmas themed games?
We can keep the holiday magic alive by focusing on joyful connections, rather than keeping exact dates and reenacting Christmas scenes from their childhood. Happy shared experiences create happy relationships.
Tips: Christmas fun can happen anytime during the holidays. Draw names and swap holiday pajamas early so they can be worn all season.
Young Adults Starting Your Own Traditions
One thing that I’ve learned from my grown kids is that they still want to have fun. This is especially true for college aged kids and young adults in their 20s. They still want to keep the holiday magic alive throughout the season.
If you fall into the young adult category and find yourself missing a bit of the holiday magic, start small. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- A dessert potluck between lunch and dinner or an ornament exchange at Thanksgiving can bring everyone together without overwhelming anyone.
- If you don’t live close to family, don’t be afraid to ask friends if they want to get together for something festive. A hot chocolate bar, with everyone bringing a different topping, is a fun and inexpensive way to get together. If you’re looking for an inexpensive holiday activity with friends, driving around and looking at Christmas lights is a great idea.
- If you’re worried about being alone on the holidays, try reaching out to hospitals or nursing homes to see if they need any volunteers.
Traditions are what connect us and give us a sense of belonging. They don’t have to be elaborate, Instagram-worthy spectacles. They’re simply moments that we repeat with intention with the people we care about.
If you’re young, don’t be intimidated by planning a holiday get together. You don’t have to create a perfect gathering to create a sense of belonging. People just want to be seen and included, and that can be done by simply inviting others in. You can be the one to keep the holiday magic alive for those around you.
Tips: For an extra element of fun, invite guests to bring a Christmas mug to swap at a hot chocolate bar. For a dessert potluck, provide to-go containers so guests can exchange leftovers to take home.
Presence over Perfection
Whether you’re an empty nester or you’ve just flown the nest yourself, we all really want the same thing. We yearn to stay connected and belong to a circle of people who share joyful experiences and traditions during the holidays. Kids from two to ninety-two appreciate when others go out of their way to keep the holiday magic alive.
This year, think about ways that you can create new, meaningful ways to connect with the ones you love. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Gifts don’t have to be exchanged. What matters is that you’re present with the ones you love at a happy, enjoyable gathering.
In Closing
When I was a kid, we used to do this thing called, “Remember when.” When we were driving down the road or sitting around the table, one of us would say, “remember when,” and we would then proceed to tell the story about something that had happened. The stories we usually told involved all of us doing or experiencing something together. We could collectively remember and relive this experience through the re-telling of the story.
This holiday season I encourage you to create some experiences that will one day be “remember whens.” The holidays have always been less about what’s under the tree and more about who’s around it. Keep filling the memory banks. One day, those small, ordinary gatherings will be the treasures that tell your family’s story.
Explore More From this Series
If you enjoyed this article on holiday traditions, we invite you to explore more from the series. Each article in this series celebrates the beauty of Southern living through the seasons. You can find the full collection on the homepage under Home for the Holidays: A Southern Season of Charm.
- Natural Fall Decor: Simple Ways to Bring the Outdoors In
- How to Roast a Fresh Pie Pumpkin (Plus a Cozy Pumpkin Muffin Recipe)
- A Sweet Potato Pie Recipe from a Vintage Southern Cookbook
- Fall Garden Prep: Essential Tasks for a Beautiful Start to Spring
- How to Create a Thanksgiving Floral Arrangement
- Set a Beautiful Thanksgiving Table with Vintage Turkey Dishes
- How to Beautifully Customize a Costco Christmas Wreath
Thank you for subscribing!
Beautifully written! Brought back lots of wonderful memories!
Thank you!
[…] like gingerbread houses and candlelight tours make for memorable Christmas experiences. If you read my previous article about keeping the Christmas magic alive when your kids are grown, The Omni Grove Park Inn is the perfect destination for holiday family get togethers for families […]